Watching the sparrows today
I’m reminded of
Balkan birds and wild, wide sky
of sitting underneath
your smile as you watched me
across the table
my ever-so-loud heart
(though I knew it was
only the wine
that made you look that way/
look at me)
the next morning
when I couldn’t catch your eye
still my heart
thumped
hopelessly, giddily
and it was not the wine I felt
still rushing
through my head and heart
but something sweeter and
more potent
that sent my senses reeling
far more than any spirit could.
I like the enjambment that you have in those lines "only the wine / that made you look that way/ / look at me"
ReplyDeleteAlso the sensory detail in the in the last two stanzas make me want to read the penultimate line as "that scent my senses reeling" even though it doesn't make sense grammatically, I like it.
There's also a really great music in all of the s sounds. I love this poem Samantha!
Wow thanks Caitlin! So much feedback! Absolutely not used to it. xD
ReplyDeleteI had to look up enjambment. xD But now that I know what it means, yeah I do use that a lot I think. It's good to know that sometimes it works well.
Haha I like that actually. Man. Kind of want to put that in there now. I'm so glad you loved this! Makes me happyyy! :D