How to Drink Tea

Sad girl,

step into my parlor

and I will teach you to hold

your nose up high,

to crook your pinkie just so.

I will teach you to keep your back

ramrod straight

and off the cushions.

And more than that,

I will teach you to hide your frowns

behind a fragrant curtain of steam,

to let your tears fall

into your china teacup,

washing your sorrows down with honey

and Darjeeling.

I will teach you to smile

like you have a wonderful secret

and to scald your tongue

when the crazy starts building up

inside you.

And when I am done,

I promise,

no one will ever see

how sad you are beneath

the Lady.

Killing Time

(in which I do not use the letter 'e')

My days run too long, but
so captivating if caught
and hung on hooks,
small ways to kill my hours.

I cannot pay my own bail
out of this prison,
but I can go on safari:
shoot days down coldly,

watch as my victims
grow small and frail,
skittish with my hunting,
thin ghosts I cannot banish.

In The Dark

the people we see every day

shoving shoulders as they crowd

choking the streets with

their individual loneliness

we don't want to be like them

but though we constantly try
to connect

we always miss

one another in the dark

plugs seeking outlets

some divine fire to light us

and give us purpose

finding only others like ourselves

we press longingly

unable to make a spark

Oulipo Exercises

A
no
run
zone
makes
me kick
my heels
off and go
dancing go
singing hey
where is it
a must run
zone and
why do I
need a
zone
why
do
I

~*~

"It's interesting the way people present their plumage," she says,
jealousy in her eyes as she watches the girl in the
killer heels, killer dress,
lavender and fuchsia peonies printed across silk
moving with her every shimmer, leaving her
naked to the hungry eyes
of the men, husbands included.
"Perhaps she needs it to feel secure" I say
quietly, knowing it's the wrong thing, though
really, nothing could be right.
She's determined to be angry,
trying to pretend it doesn't scare her
underneath it all, underneath the scorn,
veil ripped aside:
white skin flashing, the girl walks,
x-rated dreams in the men's gazes,
youth so far away from the rest of us, the
zebra girl dancing amongst the jackals.

Rock n Roll Girl

You're a rock n roll girl
girl of the rock n roll man
and you follow him 
into the spotlight
down the red carpets
getting all the glare
and none of the warmth

You go to the parties 
seeking company of some kind
the kind you don't find at home
anymore
and you guess he's doing 
the same thing
though you never ask

And so you pretend
pretend you are shiny and new
and you smile for the cameras and still
dye your hair 
even though he stopped noticing
after he got in the rags

It's true that
you don't really know 
why you're in this anymore
but you're a rock n roll girl
and you just aren't sure 
if you could ever be 
anything else now

Though you know 
that the fans, well, 
they all hate you and shout
that you're a shameless slut and a bitch
and don't deserve whatever it is
they think you're getting

What were your dreams 
before you were swallowed up
in the game, 
in the papers and the scandals, 
in his eyes,
the ones that never seem to be 
looking at you anymore?

What did you hope for yourself
before you met him,
before he made it,
before it all went to shit?

You rock n roll girl
living the dream
waking with red eyes
in an empty bed,
the one you made 
thinking you would never stop
being happy.

Thursday Ghost

Today I thought

I saw you

walking towards me

even though it couldn’t be

you couldn’t be

And I felt no shock at seeing

your familiar face
only a vague confusion

as I wondered why

you should be here

of all places

You were in Pennsylvania

(you were in Hawaii)

And as I held the door

for the person who was

not you

I thought about death and how

in our hearts

it’s never quite real

So that I could see you today

and simply smile

not remembering.

Guitar Man

I’m exhausted

falling asleep in my chair

and yet because there is a man

playing soft guitar

on the level below me

I feel happy

and content

and I feel great love for this man

I do not know.

Guitar man

my heart goes to you

for your song

for the softly whispered words

that do not quite reach my ear

I hear your heart

beating beating

and I feel your love

For the music

for this beautiful dark guitar that you

are cradling

I don’t know most of you

but I know this part

this longing that bleeds

into a kind of love

so poignant that your fingers

seem to have life apart

so that your blood sizzles

with the music

with the incredible awe of

sound

and strings

and life

and a silent stranger’s smile. 

Last

In the last shut-eye

before the big sleep

you will dream of flying

so high you can see the stars

behind the blue

the world will feel very small

unreal and

this will scare you

you won’t be able to figure out

how to come back down

instead you’ll float up

right up to the stars

the blue will disappear

so will the land

until there are only stars

stars

and the blackness

in between.

Coffee Shop Romance

Young man

You asked me to watch your

Things and

I said sure and

Looked up and

My god you were cute

When you came back you said thanks and

We smiled at one another and

Our gazes lingered

Just a bit

I don’t think it was my imagination

We spent the next half hour or so

Jiggling our legs and

Shifting our bodies and

Sneaking glimpses

Of one another out of the corners of our

Eyes

You watched me type and

I watched you read and

We both pretended we were just as alone

As we had been before

You spoke

But of course now there was

You and

Now there was

Me and

I know you wanted to say something

But didn’t know how to

Start

So instead you just cleared

Your throat

Now and then and

I smiled at my computer screen and

I left when my tea and battery got low

Refusing to care
Whether you watched me as I walked

Out of the coffee shop and

Into the rain.

Tightrope

You like it up there.

The roar of the crowd,

their breathless awe

as you deny the siren, gravity.

You like the danger,

the all-present knowledge

that one slip would be enough.

You like the air up there,

belonging only to you and the rope

and your breezy steps.

You don’t see me down here,

squeezing my eyes shut

and flicking them

open again with fear.

You don’t see me biting my tongue,

my knuckles white against my mouth.

You don’t see me laughing

(harder than anyone else)

when you step safely to the end,

my pride and love, my terrible relief.

I hate it up here.

The bloodthirsty screams of the crowd,

waiting with bated breath for me to fall,

praying for it (the bastards).

I hate the danger,

knowing that one day I’ll slip,

my foot will falter, step upon nothing.

I hate the air up here,

the cold loneliness

with only myself and the screams

for company.

But I see you down there,

your beautiful face turned up,

not ecstatic or malicious,

but white and worried.

I do it for you…

for the end of the rope,

when you clap and clap,

and my heart falls down

down, down

into your open eyes.

Song

There’s a song you know

(Or used to)

Filtering though two car windows and

The cold night air.

It’s from another time

When you were very young

But beginning to guess

You wouldn’t always be.

This song makes you

Think of early school buses

Strangely cold child’s faces

And eating lunch by yourself

For the first time

In your life.

It should make you feel sad

And maybe it does

But in a way that brings

A funny sort of affection

For those days of

Wild, lonely adolescence.

It’s funny the sorts of tricks

Time can play

Funny what the faint chords

Of another decade’s anthem

Can make you remember

(Or forget).

Waiting

Waiting

On the edge of a

Forest

For him to come

I wonder

How many others

Came before me

Waited

I know I shouldn’t

But I am only

Alone

At the edge of a forest

And my heart

Is weak (and cold)

And I will take

Anything

Even wondering

To forget

Myself. 

Decide

Today we decided

No more of this silly stuff

Called working

We are more than this

We will escape from its

Shackles

And claim the world

Which has too long been

Abandoned

To those who work

And do not live

Now it will be ours

And we will not have to wait

In line for our groceries

For another, better day

Where governments will realize

That war is rather pointless

After all.

Tree-Songs

The trees swayed, drunk with sun and wind.

I was too.

Drunk with your smile,

the sweetness of your eyes on mine.

I too swayed,

swayed with you in rippling grass

that brushed my calves.

It tickled.

You tickled

me with your words,

your hands on mine.

Our feet stepping softly,

our ears full of wind,

singing tree-songs

to the whispering leaves.

Collection of Small, Random Things (that were never going to be posted otherwise)

There's something a little sad
in the forest of my heart
like the first scent of fall and leaves
scattered to the wind.

~*~

My thoughts slip away
from me, though I reach for them
with desperate fingers.

~*~

Call my name
that I might hear it
from those lips I love
that love me back
in dreams.

~*~

God I want to get out of here
run out screaming
like some prematurely released psychotic
tasting freedom
from a life run by rules.

~*~

Smell of pine and grass
and sun warmed rock, dry and tender
in the heavy air.

get fancy

you want me fancy

so let me get

fancy

let me put on a silky

slinky dress

earrings too long

for my neck

so that they brush

irritatingly

against my collarbone

for you

let me slip on

stockings

the ones you think are

so sexy

the ones that ride up my crotch

you want me fancy

so let me put on

sharp-heeled shoes

they don’t squeeze my feet

my toes are feeling fine

let me get fancy

for you

but tomorrow

don’t be surprised

if i make you get fancy

for me

I can say everything I want to in Beatlespeak

Choose a band / artist and answer ONLY in titles of their songs:
THE BEATLES
2. Are you male or female:
ANOTHER GIRL
3. Describe yourself:
I'M SO TIRED
4. How do some people feel about you:
I'M A LOSER
5. How do you feel about yourself:
GETTING BETTER
6. How do you feel about ex boyfriends/girlfriends:
THE LONG AND WINDING ROAD xD
7. Describe your boyfriend/girlfriend/crush:
I'VE JUST SEEN A FACE
8. Describe where you want to be:
FLYING
9. Describe how you live:
ACT NATURALLY
10. Describe how you love:
GOT TO GET YOU INTO MY LIFE
11. What would you ask for if you had just one wish:
MONEY (THAT'S WHAT I WANT) no seriously
12. Share a few words of Wisdom:
ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE (except for... money...)
13. Now say goodbye:
HELLO GOODBYE